I WISH I HAD TOLD YOU

It has been seventeen years...today the emotions are still a little raw and conflicted...times were not always rosy or fairy tale but we still had smiles. There was much I wish I had said.....HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY PHILLY!!!! 

I WISH I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU

  I have listened to your advice.
 You insisted on telling me how it was
 for you as a girl
 and how you did this and that.

 I tell you I am tired.
 I am not listening anymore.

 I have taken your advice
 and where has it gotten me?
 Right here!
 Just where I DO NOT want to be!

From now on,
I don’t need you, I don’t want you
I am not listening to you.
But, you can no longer hear me.

You are no longer with me.
You are in another place giving advice.
Being yourself.
Why were you never your true self with ME?
Why all the pretense?
Why all the hypocrisy?
It was not necessary.

I would have still loved you.
Always, I would have.
But you kept a wedge between us.
I cannot understand why you did this
but you did.
And now,
You are gone.

Where are you when I need the strength
I saw in you when I was a child?
I cannot reach you.
I am angry!
Do you understand?
Angry!

I am your child.
You left me.
I hate that
but I know
I can never hate you.
I will always love you,

Mummy.

-------------------------

Cher Corbin  2011