Tortured dreams didn't help either and no amount of Panadol Ultra was going to fix it. I realized that I had to seek my medicine from my soul....to understand that you cannot control everything and also to realize that (as my Partner always says...Love you T)....
" ...You teach others how to treat you..."
It is only so far that you can take your maternal, instructional, controlling, motherly ways before you start crossing the line and infringing on your children's independence and more importantly, their right to live their lives.
My protective mode needs to take a back seat sometimes, and I need to learn how to observe. ( it is so ironic that I recognize this because as a scientist that is one of the first tools we learn how to perfect).
In almost every blog I speak on how communication is key....it is a two way street...not a one-way projection.
" Physician, heal thyself."
I have realized I need to breathe and release. Others around me need to do the same. We cannot keep projecting our way of living on others. Yes when we are all one we must be more inter-dependent than independent..that is a give. But we must also realize we must sit back and let others take the wheel sometimes...don't be negative about it....be supportive.
I have had to learn this the hard way....the stressed way...
From this day onward....I will learn to be more patient....and share love and tenderness with those I possibly have pushed away.
We cannot let the past dictate our future...we let the past inform us on how we deal with the present...but people can change.....only if the opportunity is given.
It makes no sense bringig the past into persons' present every time something is not the way we like it...hard fact..but I now realize how true....
So....I tried to express my thoughts in the poem REALIZATION which I have attached here....
To my loved ones...my children...my soul mate...my colleagues...my friends....I promise to be supportive and caring....understanding and patient.....I have but one heart...and that I am willing to share as the depth of it is unfathomable.
Blessings to all of you.....
I will now have my breakfast and go to work...(yes I know I am late...but better be late and at peace...than rushing and troubled).
Fitful dreams do nothing
But nurture the pain, the questioning
You, myself and I
Conflict, resolution, deny
Painful decisions of the past
Haunt the path of the future
Drag me deep in the mire
Where youthful eyes plead, beg
To be lifted, guided to the pasture
Once a child, now the master
Of your fate
Shining white alabaster
Fullness of life
Words you utter to the elder
Fall heavy on the heart of the mother
Truth, be told
The essence, the purity